Three Questions in the Face of Suffering

Spiritual Discernment, Part 3

“Do not lose yourself in the past. Do not lose yourself in the future. Do not get caught in your anger, worries, or fears. Come back to the present moment, and touch life deeply…”

Thich Nhat Hanh

As I bear witness to current global and national events, as well as to the situations of so many in my social and professional circles, I am reminded of one of my group spiritual direction sessions several years ago.

During this gathering, group members discussed the final chapter of a book, titled Perennial Wisdom for the Spiritually Independent (a book by Rabbi Rami Shapiro which I referenced in my second post).  This particular chapter focused on the “why” of suffering.  

All of us agreed that sometimes there is an obvious cause-and-effect to certain periods of suffering.  We are able to trace a sequence of events or circumstances that formed the root or roots of it.  At other times, a clear reason doesn’t appear to exist.  In this case, Shapiro offers the only answer available to our question of why. It is simply: “Because.”

Regardless of whether we can substantiate a reason, three questions can be asked and applied to our own personal suffering and challenges.  They can also be applied to the suffering and challenges faced by the broader collective.

What? (Taking Stock)

The first question is: “What?”  What is actually happening? What are the facts? What are the immediate consequences or impact of the situation? Although “facts” are often subjective, we can choose to face what we know, to the best of our ability, in the cold light of day.  

Several possibilities exist in response to what we find.  Our reaction may be to deny, blame, or perceive ourselves as victims.  As people committed to a spiritual path, we attempt to move past those initial responses to eventually accept what is. 

So What? (Making Meaning)

Acceptance does not mean resignation, however.  Ideally, acceptance leads to the second question: “So what?”  This is the meaning-making phase of the healing that is possible if we are open to it.  What were the significant lessons? Who were the people who became our teachers? What were the circumstances that moved us to another place on our spiritual journey?  

Finding acceptance, and then making meaning of the suffering or challenge, often requires a substantial amount of time and distance from the situation.  Self-compassion is important here.

Now What? (Determining Next Steps)

The final question left to us in the face of suffering or challenge is: “Now what?” What action(s) do I need to take?  What personal qualities do I need to development? What remains to be healed? What am I now being called to do in my life?

Preparing the best that we can offer in response to this question (as well as the previous ones) requires a degree of spiritual discernment.  Answering these questions brings an opportunity to open ourselves to guidance from an Inner Voice, an inner source of wisdom.  

We bring these questions into the stillness of our spiritual practices.  We use deep listening to become aware of the answers that inevitably arise within us.  We may decide that we need to revisit these questions more than once.  

 As you face various types of suffering or challenges, thoughtfully consider the available sources of spiritual guidance that offer you both time and space to address any or all of these questions. These can provide safe containers in which to wrestle with your answers.  

Support may come, in addition to your own internal resources, in the form of a skilled therapist, medical professional, pastoral counselor, grief companion, and/or spiritual director (aka guide, companion, or mentor). An excellent source for finding a spiritual director is through the “find” feature of the Spiritual Directors International web site.

Final Thoughts

With time, patience, and self-compassion, these sources of internal and external support may gently lead you to uncover the invitation from Life that lies buried within your most challenging situations.  

However you choose to address your personal circumstances, may you ultimately discover the truth in this closing quote by Thich Nhat Hanh:

“Most people are afraid of suffering. But suffering is a kind of mud to help the lotus flower of happiness grow. There can be no lotus flower without the mud.”  

Thich Nhat Hanh