What happens after death?

Exploring your spiritual paradigm (Part 3)

“None of us know what will happen after death, but I believe, if you look deep inside, deep in your soul, you will know you have always existed and always will.”
David Kessler, Expert on Grief & Loss

Note: If you haven’t already, you may find it helpful to read my previous posts in this series before continuing: “Your Spiritual Paradigm”,  “What is Responsible for All That Exists?” and “What Am I in Relation to All That Exists?”

From the Beginning

At age eleven, I experienced the first death of a person I knew well -- my paternal grandfather. His death was followed by a handful of vivid dreams that conveyed clear messages I was to give to my grandmother and his son (my father). Other family members shared anecdotes of unusual experiences surrounding my grandfather’s passing. These early direct experiences, and those of others, lit fire to my curiosity and created a desire to better understand the nature of death.

After Death Communications (ADC)

What I know now is that researchers who study such phenomena would consider what I experienced to be potential after-death communications (ADC).  An ADC is defined as a living person having the feeling or sense of direct contact with a physically deceased person or animal. The feeling or sense is not mediated by another person (a medium or psychic, for example) or by engaging in particular rituals or devices intended to elicit such an experience. ADCs are most often spontaneously occurring. They are usually individually experienced but sometimes are shared.  

ADCs are quite common as I discovered. An estimated one-third of all people will experience one or more in their lifetimes. They appear to happen more frequently in cultures that are “ADC friendly”. Iceland is one such example among others. It is unknown, however, whether ADCs truly occur more often in these cultures, or whether people simply feel more comfortable reporting them there.

What would make it emotionally “unsafe” to reveal an ADC? One reason could be that ADCs are sometimes considered demonic, especially by those who hold conservative religious perspectives. Or a person’s ADC experience might be labelled a hallucination, although these are qualitatively different in several respects, including their impacts on the experiencer. ADCs do occur among those with mental health issues, but not disproportionately.

ADCs might occur once or multiple times in a person’s lifetime -- involving a single deceased person or more than one. Most experiencers encounter their ADCs within the first year after the death of a loved one. Since many are hesitant to talk about them, a person may feel ill-prepared when and if this reality occurs.

ADCs usually decrease in frequency over time, but sometimes they occur decades later when the grieving process has diminished. This happened for me, in my late twenties, when I unexpectedly had one more “message dream” involving my grandfather. In hindsight, I could see that the content and timing were significant to my father, for whom the message was intended.

ADCs occur in all states of consciousness – during a wakeful period, while sleeping or meditating, and even during a coma. An experiencer may be in good or poor health. A person’s death bed is a common place to have an ADC. In this scenario, the dying person sees deceased loved ones who are apparently helping the dying person’s transition from physical to non-physical existence.

To illustrate with a personal story, I return to my paternal grandfather. As my father was near death (unbeknownst to those around him) he stared intently on the wall of his hospital room. My mother later shared that as she sat quietly beside him, he eventually looked toward her and asked, “Aren’t you going to say hello to my dad?” He then returned his gaze to the wall and remained transfixed for some time. My father died the following morning.

What I find interesting in my own ADC experiences with my grandfather is that I wasn’t particularly close to him; but he and my father shared a strong bond. If my dream experiences hold any validity at all, it felt in those instances that I served as some type of connector for the two of them. Since these events, I’ve heard ADC-like deathbed and dream accounts from many others.

Dr. Janice Holden, Near-Death Experience & Transpersonal Pioneer Researcher, offers extensive information about ADCs as well as near-death experiences (NDEs). As with previous questions I’ve posed in our spiritual paradigm exploration, this one (“What happens after death?”) will largely remain unanswerable until we cross the threshold of death ourselves. ADCs and NDEs, however, allow us to draw back the veil between life and death ever so slightly.

[Note: For more detail on ADC research, this interview with Dr. Holden may prove helpful.]

Near Death Experiences (NDE)

Soon after my grandfather’s passing in the early seventies, Raymond Moody’s, Life After Life was published, which further nurtured my early inquisitiveness. An American psychiatrist and physician, Moody first encountered near-death experiences (NDEs) in medical school and became interested in exploring them. Moody’s trail-blazing book highlighted his study of NDEs and brought a degree of legitimacy to them, at least for the general public.

It set the stage for other researchers to further examine NDE accounts with scientific rigor.  What began as a trickle of narratives has now morphed into scores of books, films, testimonials, etc. Respectable scientists began to study common patterns among experiencers and the long-lasting impacts of NDEs on those who have them. One notable researcher is Dr. Bruce Greyson, author of the 2022 book After: A Doctor Explores What Near-Death Experiences Reveal about Life and Beyond.

Dr. Greyson has described the book as a synopsis of his long career and body of research. He began his study of NDEs at the University of Virginia (UVA) in the mid-seventies and is now part of a university research team located in UVA’s Department of Perceptual Studies (DOPS). The Division was founded in 1967 by Dr. Ian Stevenson and is committed to the use of empirical evidence in the evaluation of “extraordinary human experiences and capacities” (including NDEs).

The central aim of DOPS is to investigate the relationship of the mind to the body, as well as the likelihood of human consciousness surviving physical death. These investigations largely involve studies that challenge mainstream scientific notions of the fundamental nature of consciousness.

Dr. Greyson studied over one thousand cases during the course of his career and documented the significant effects of NDEs on individuals’ attitudes, beliefs, values, and personalities. Greyson’s research also addressed why NDEs can’t simply be dismissed as dream states or hallucinations. Intriguing is that these experiences occur in all age groups, cultures, and religious backgrounds (they are also experienced by those who describe themselves as atheists and agnostics prior to their NDEs).

From the days of Moody’s early writings, I have digested a plethora of personal NDE accounts (albeit some more credible than others).  I am now also acquainted with a handful of people who have actually had NDEs. These narratives have been both fascinating and impactful for me. They have led me to reexamine certain religious scriptures and teachings from new angles, cognizant of the growing backdrop of information now available from evidence-based studies.

If you are new to the topic of NDEs (or are simply as intrigued as I am), a valuable resource to access NDE narratives is via the web site of Anthony Chene, a talented French filmmaker and photographer who has created a collection of beautiful documentaries highlighting NDE accounts and related content. Chene has a YouTube presence as well.

Another excellent resource is the International Association for Near Death Studies (IANDS). The association states its purpose is to “promote responsible, multi-disciplinary exploration of near-death and similar experiences, their effects on people’s lives, and their implications for beliefs about life, death, and human purpose.”

Dr. Greyson addressed IANDS a handful of years ago. Within the presentation, he briefly described his initial introduction to NDEs and his early interactions with Dr. Moody. He also outlined his subsequent professional and personal journey with the phenomenon. As he spoke to the group, he at times grew visibly emotional as he shared his numerous interactions with NDE experiencers. If you have time and interest, I recommend viewing the IANDS presentation in full, but I’ll share a few highlights below.

Dr. Greyson noted that during an NDE several common features are present. These include the experience of greater clarity and speed of thought; a sense of timelessness; and vivid, sometimes unusual sensory impressions (such as seeing unique colors or hearing unfamiliar sounds). He reported that, not all, but a significant number of NDEers experience a detailed life review and/or perceptions from an out-of-body perspective. During the life reviews, experiencers not only relive specific events from their own point of view but from the vantage point of others who were impacted by their actions. The experience of seeing deceased loved ones or other persons was also common, even if the NDEer was unaware at the time that a specific person had died.

During the IANDS presentation, Dr. Greyson noted that a common assumption is that our brains generate all of our thoughts and feelings.  He shared that NDEs provide support for a counterargument, one that has gained traction over the years. This counterargument suggests that “mind” is what actually produces consciousness, apart from the brain -- that the brain serves as a kind of receiver, an interpreter that serves to filter signals which can then be practically utilized by an individual.

What is clear to Greyson is that we need to change our worldview regarding NDEs and our assumptions of how the brain and mind relate to one another. He maintains that science and spirituality are compatible, and that through the integration of quantum and classical physics, we obtain a more accurate understanding of reality.

NDEs Bring Lasting Changes

Most NDE experiencers are profoundly changed afterward. This can be true of NDE researchers as well, according to Dr. Greyson. I have long shared his fascination with the transformative aspects of NDEs. He mentioned the following as common shifts: a dramatic increase in spirituality (but not religiosity), increased compassion and concern for others, a greater appreciation for life, an increased sense of meaning and purpose, and a greater belief in postmortem survival.

There is also a dramatically diminished fear of death; less interest and investment in material possessions, personal power, prestige or status; and an absence of competitiveness. NDEers tend to think of themselves as part of a benevolent and purposeful universe. Getting ahead at someone else’s expense makes no sense to them.

They perceive that we are all part of something greater than ourselves. Although still able to enjoy worldly pleasures, they experience no craving for them. They enjoy life to a far greater degree than before; and they are less fearful of taking risks. The need for tight control of their lives is gone.

It is important to note that although NDEs can change someone dramatically, it often takes years to integrate these changes into a person’s life. This is not an easy process for most, and relationships often suffer unfortunately. The NDEer simply is not the person they once were before the experience. One hears about this challenge in many NDE accounts.

My View Along the Way

Some may caution that “near death” could someday be proven to differ from death itself. The growing number of respectful research findings on NDEs and consciousness, however, give me plenty to ponder. Along with the growing research, other sources have also informed my perceptions and thoughts about death. These have largely been my own direct, “up close” experiences.

One of the most significant was my taste of mortality as I faced a diagnosis of cancer many years ago. Losing both parents and several friends has also been significant. Each time I encounter a death, I inevitably witness puzzling, beautiful, meaningful phenomena surrounding them – experiences one might call ADCs.

As I age, these types of occurrences seem to be increasing and, like most ADCs, they surface unexpectedly. The kinds of events I witness can all be found in the research literature. I know I am not alone in what I experience. Many have had vivid dreams of loved ones, for example, similar to the ones I had when I was younger. These have now become standard fare for me after someone dies.

Intriguing electrical phenomena are no longer unusual happenings either (another common type of ADC). I’ve experienced other forms as well, some involving sensory experiences (tactile or olfactory in nature). These are much rarer occurrences for me, but they do happen.

Symbolic ADCs are the most common in my life. These involve specific items that are associated with a loved one and that show up at significant times. Butterflies are a frequent symbol I observe (commonly associated with the process of transformation). I could tell many stories about these and other symbolic ADCs, but I have a favorite that all my closest friends and family members have heard.

A decade ago, my mother was in a beautiful, caring hospice facility, dying from ALS. There was a wonderful pastor who worked there who was also a talented photographer. She spent many hours with my mother and shared her collection of nature photography with her in the process. One photograph was my mother’s favorite, that of a yellow swallow-tailed butterfly. After my mother’s death, the pastor told a version of this story at her memorial service:

There was a large shrub at the entrance of the hospice. She (the pastor) had never before seen an Eastern Tiger Swallowtail near the building. On the day preceding my mother’s death, yellow swallowtails kept arriving at the shrub until it was completely covered in bright butterflies. They remained there for a significant number of hours. Early the next morning, my mother died. The shrub was then empty, devoid of the beautiful insects that had graced it only hours before. They were never seen again to my knowledge.

The pastor kindly gifted me with a print of her lovely photograph that had meant so much to my mother. I now keep it visible in my home and think of her every time I see it. There has also been a single, Eastern Tiger Swallowtail that graces my property every summer. Again, I think of my mother every time it visits.

Owning and Sharing Our Stories

Are the personal events I’ve described real communications? Or just coincidences, products of my imagination? Perhaps they are the latter. But I can tell you that they feel extremely real when they happen. And enormously meaningful. Many people have similar and other experiences of this nature, and I know that my reactions are quite typical according to the ADC literature.

To share these types of stories can be a very healing act for a person who’s lost a loved one. If you have an untold story of your own, I encourage you to tell someone about it. One caution I would voice, however, is that you choose a trusted friend, family member, or spiritual mentor – someone who is empathetic - someone skilled at listening with openness, respect, and curiosity (and without interruption).

As these types of events unfold in my life, I have learned to couple my awe with a rational check. Could there be other explanations? If I can’t find any, I resist “idolizing” the unusual phenomena. Instead, I say a silent ‘thank you’ to Source and consider each occurrence a gift of grace and an opportunity for loving remembrance.

Final Thoughts

Not surprisingly, these varied experiences have impacted the way I view death, as they do for many people who perceive ADCs in their lives. At this juncture, I lean toward the idea that individual consciousness does not die with the body. Death seems to be a natural phase in each life, leading to a continued existence of some kind. That’s as far as I can surmise. In the end, death remains a giant, giant mystery.

What about you? What are your current beliefs, hopes, theories, or imaginings about death? How do your ideas about death affect the way you live?

That last question is an important one. NDE experiencers can serve as our teachers as we personally wrestle with the deaths of others and our own inevitable passing. So many have shared key lessons brought back from the “other side”.

They provide food for thought about what we are invited to be doing while we’re alive on this planet. The common threads are simultaneously so simple, and yet so profound. I hope you will receive them as the gifts that they are:

1.     Live in the present.

2.     Enjoy life to the fullest.

3.     Know that we are all connected. *

4.     Love is fundamental.

* This relates to the Golden Rule, a common precept among major world religions. NDE experiencers often view this as a universal law.